Submitted by : Miss_Sofia on Strugle

I backbite not knowing that I do.
I backbite the skin of my brother that I did not intend to do.
I am not no different from a cannibal or a vampire as insane as it sounds.
I recently read about it was previously mildly aware about it.
I hope to be forgiven. I am ashamed that I was doing this all these years that I was living.

Even though was not driven into the talk
I probably spoke up freely
I probably was vexed that I need to speak up like I was needy
Or I probably was cussing and fussing knowing that it is not the Muslim way.

How sick must I be to be living this way. I wanna stop this but somehow I can not
Because I have been living my life were I get rated for speaking my mind or telling peoples faults all the time. In which I thought was alright.

Call me a living hypocrite I knew about the wrong doings of my tongue yet I did not keep my self strong. Call me the weak because I pray yet some how insanily like a snake spread venom in other peoples ears. They listen to it and probably the brothers that are raised along side with me are shedding invisible tears.

It gets worse as I continue to live. Forget about me speaking my mind carelessly I ask all of you not to do the same because me listening to it is slowly making it worser for you and me.

I did not know how sick it was to say “we all know of who I am speaking about anyway”
Or “I am not backbiting I am just saying… “Or I will tell them later because their not here now I am not shooked. I am not saying anything wrong because it is true.

I feel sick to the stomach. Fear every time I am aware that I yet again done it.
I regret. There is no excuse not to forget. There is no excuse for me to speak.
I remember my self clearly backbiting does not have anything to do with lying
It’s the fact that we are eating an other persons skin and for me to continue backbiting it seems like I am making a habit out of it. I need to get out of it.

I back bite, as filthy as it sounds. The system is funny all this time I thought let me promote my self a bit further. Telling people how I speak my mind and think out loud and say it how it is. All this time I was encouraging my self more and more. As if I was feening for what ever it is I know said or heard to spread even more.

Insha allah today back biting will not happen no more