Submitted by : tearfull on Strugle

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Im feeling extreme spiritual pain,
i'm seeking Allah but this times not the same
i don’t want but I need Him to pave my way,
im lost i need to be found again,
in search for a pathway i need those rays
coz i caved in when the devils whisper came
now my heart is scarred with a million stains
a thick black layer resides upon it as though
woods been burnt to charcoal as my sins set it aflame
how can i let this be cant you see to my nafs im enslaved
but i know that it needs goodness thats what it craves

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and i know somewhere my Lords name is engraved
as its beating i know im feeling it saying
“Rabb oh it's your raab calling you back to peace”
so i place my hand on it as im left to feel
that He al-Hayyul Qayyum is ever close to me
watching me Hearing Me His existing eternally
knowing all that i conceal and reaveal revering at His might
His power i am left to tremble fearfully
Dont you realise His wrath evidently
He controls every single human being
tested via trials earthqauakes and killings
but his mercy prevails over His Wrath

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Now each hair stands obediently but my body collapsed,
i am heartbrocken now on my knees no words just tears
while every breath becomes heaveier my reality waves with clarity
i know this feeling its far too familiar
i meet with it often its a plea a cry a scream
is it me could it be that my craving grows all to strong for ease,
but that is only attained through dhikrullah with consistency
to overcome this i must begin to pay heed
Allah said if i rely on Him alone than my salvation is guaranteed.

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"Truly He knows the secrets and what is [even] more hidden" (20:7)
and what is even more hidden is your thoghts, feelings and emotions !!!
Dont just look the part be the part, abundance of knowledge means nothing
NOTHING not unless you implement all that you learn
and know why you are wearing the hijab, niqab sunnah lifted trousers thobes and long beards
it must be sincere and do it for no other reason but for the SAKE OF ALLAH
FEESABILILAH InSha'Allah !!!