Submitted by : Miss_Sofia on Strugle

I gotta fidget so much to avoid something i need. Even though it is irrelevant to my need
for some reason i am willing to go ahead with it. Would you define that as mental greed?
physically in need of something that can lower my IQ emotionally searching for
something that i really do not have an answer for what is this sinning i call a relationship
that i am longing for? Socially i am desperately searching for conversation which be relating and could link with you and i mixing with crowds who are from the opposite gender

Conversation smooth connections connected this feeling is energetic meaning i have to accept it
i relate so now i am on like a switch we all prefer to be in the light. In the dark i get this twitch
in other word i am off and never satisfied for some reason these conversations happen to cause a lot of hype that sometimes betters things because it narrows which minds think alike

this hype is not good for me yet i continue like a waterfall the drop may be harsh but the journey before the hype is picture perfect thinking it is all worth it. Then as it comes to the end you end up either gaining or losing friends. Trusting or lacking trust in some of them!

frustrated at the fact that i expose myself to all this free willingly. They blame most things on the shaytan but is it him who should worry about really? I sit there pondering with a dozen thoughts in my head never satisfied and if i am something comes and tells me to get out of bed. The day plan is to good to be true but if you ask me does it relate to the Deen... I swear unfortunately that i gotta admit it has nothing beneficial to add on our lives other then false hopes and continues days that happen to be never ending wondering when is it the time that we stop pretending. See i am aware of most things yet i am easily distracted you could blame it on many things but i offered myself as wrong as it sounds i knew it was bad but i followed it because of the excitement it gave me and the bagga crowd even though i had doubt i followed the majority it was all so beautiful in my eyes you see. everyone agreeing its hard to walk out especially for me.


Its like i feen for something that does not make me any better. I set myself on the path that does not get any better. I sit and daze of thinking what happens to me after i lock everything off. More doors you lock and sacrifice and walk away from more doors open full of success and a dozen struggle that you gotta face. I am thinking what is it that i am lacking in that is making me behave in such a way.

I am in this battle with myself I do so much things yet for some reason i happen to engage myself! i do so much good to keep on this path yet it is not enough because i am out there and still have a laugh Call me a hypocrite because i still do certain things i mention on my status! I swore i wont go to certain places wont mix with certain faces yet i am back on square one!

Here it goes again, all this i fought for just blew off from the palm of my hand. Only god knows our intention and only he knows our reasons. Only he can judge us but in my heart i am secretly bleeding My head is on point and it knows enough for me to say no to what is not beneficial to the practicing
yet something makes me want to continue and mix in like a snake i get myself into the closed doors i said i shall not open again. Here i go and here i go again wondering what is telling me to open certain doors again

Its messed up and something we shall never understand all i know is Insha Allah I shall pray 2times harder not to fall again because we all make mistakes Some do bad some do little some set targets that they promised their selves they shall not cross may Allah Guide us and increase our strength
so we can walk on the path that is taught to us that is brought to us
and may he forgive our mistakes as he is All Merciful Ameen